How to Slide into the DMs Without Looking Like a Creep

Posted on May 24, 2019June 3, 2019 by Xavier Fletcher

Sliding into the DMs is an uphill battle, especially if it involves a girl you’ve never interacted with before in real life. The thing is, most guys aren‘t giving themselves a fair shot by having a poor Instagram account or botching the first message. We’ve compiled the things you can do to increase your chances of a successful DM slide while not making yourself look creepy.

Have an Above-Average Instagram

Before you can even think about sending that message, It starts with evaluating your base Instagram account. If you’re Instagram is garbage, it doesn’t matter how smooth your line is – it will not work. The good thing is, you just need an above-average ‘Gram to get you going. This means:

A 3:4 Followers-to-Follow Ratio:
5-6 Photos with Likes/Comments t If Your Account is Newer
Removing Photos With Low Engagements If Your Account‘s Established
A Photo Tag or Two

A 3-4 ratio is a good rule of thumb for the number of followers you have versus the number of people you’re following. A good ratio shows you’re a normal person who has friends. Nothing screams loser more than a guy who can’t get people to follow him back. Here’s an example of a terrible ratio from our good friend Glenn.

If your ratio is out of whack, the first thing you can to do is unfollow people who aren’t following you. This can be a hassle, but there are apps that can do it for you. One of these apps is called FollowMeter.

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Quality Over Quanity for Photos

For photos, think quality over quantity. Having 100 selfies of yourself with zero likes won’t do you any good. Stick to at least 5-6 decent photos and make sure you have friends liking them (and even commenting.)

If you already have tons of photos on their account, go through your photos and remove any that make you look bad. Pictures where friends are ripping on you, or that people didn’t respond well to are not helping your Instagram game.

How Tell If A Photo is “Decent”

If it’s hard for you to gauge whether a photo is decent or not, there are some sites that can help. One of those resources is PhotoFeeler. PhotoFeeler has people rate your photos, and you can select whether your photo is for online dating, or for a social account (like Instagram.) The great thing about PhotoFeeler is its free to use – you just have to rate other people’s photos to gain credits.

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Last, having photo tags from friends will also boost the ‘Gram status. Although, if your friend’s accounts are private, the tag won’t show.

Use Instagram Stories to Make the First Move

Instead of blindly taking the leap of fate and sending out that DM, you can use Instagram stories to make things easier. If the girl you’re trying to get with uses Instagram somewhat regularly, she’s bound to post a few stories per week. Take a peek at them. Is she at one of your favorite bars? Is she watching a movie you like? When you find a story that has some relation to you, post that comment.

Going for the story comment instead of an out of the blue message accomplishes the following:

Guages How Interested She Is In You
Gets to Know Her a Bit
Smoothly Transition To Asking Her Out

What If She Doesn’t Reply?

Tough luck. Keep working on your Instagram, post a couple of cool stories/posts, and maybe try again in a couple weeks or months. But, if she’s not even replying to a friendly comment on her story, don’t expect things to change.

If you were able to get her to respond to your comment, keep the conversation going. Try to get a couple of more back and forths Don’t go overboard with the DMing though – the point is to ask her out and get her number, NOT have a drawn-out Insta convo.

Transitioning To Asking Her Out

Now it’s time. If the convo is going well and she seems interested, you can try to ask her out by relating it to whatever you were talking about. If you were talking about a bar, ask her if she’s been to bar XYZ. If you were talking about food, ask her if she’s had food XYZ. You get the point.

If the conversation hasn’t been that smooth, it’s time to whip out Plan B. In Plan B, you let her know you have to get going but that she seems interesting, and that you guys should grab coffee or drinks sometimes. If she agrees, give her your phone number and wait for that text.

If She Doesn’t Reply or Leaves You on Seen?

Again, tough luck, but keep working on your Instagram game and see if there’s anybody else that catches your eye. In this case, you can try one more DM in a week or two. What you’ll want to do, is give her the hail mary. Say something along the lines of, “Okay, last chance. Drinks this weekend?”

But again, realize that chances this works are slim and you’re better off trying with somebody else.

Final Thoughts

Sliding in the DMs for the average guy is tough, but not impossible. Using these tips can help up the odds and get you on that date. But please, if she doesn’t respond, leave her alone. She doesn’t owe you a reply – especially if you only know her on Instagram – and there’s plenty of other prospects who’d appreciate your smooth DM.

About the Author: Xavier Fletcher

Xavier is a contributing writer for Gemsman, a web developer, an artisan, and a personal trainer. After spending several years training clients, Xavier moved on to a leadership role in a transportation company where he doubled as a trainer and restructuring specialist. In his spare time, Xavier reads, exercises, meditates and shares experiences through his personal blog.